I help people with many different ailments in my clinics, and something I especially love to help with is depression.
Unfortunately I know depression, only too well; we have been very close over the years. My first bout of depression came when I was 18. I had gone off to university following some difficult years of losing my mum at 13. University and my freedom felt like such a huge achievement and I was the first person in my entire family to achieve this. I remember my teachers at sixth form helping me to timetable my school work load and home work load to get me through my exams. It was so tough, but despite it all I survived made it through and here I was, at Reading University to be a grown up. To enjoy all the freedom I couldn’t at home and ready to take on the world, or so I thought.
Everything is fine now – So why aren’t I happy?
The first month or so was fine but then all I was able to do was go to lectures and withdrew completely from everything social. I thought this was because I was missing home and was so used to having all my family around me all the time. But then things became really bleak in my first year. I spent more time in my dressing gown, sleeping and having panic attacks. I was so confused, everything is fine now! So why do I feel so sad all the time, why can I not stop crying? Why do I not want to eat? I remember my sister visibly shocked at my thin frame when I went home one weekend – I just pretended I was having so much fun I didn’t have time to eat.
I never told anyone how sad I felt. I never told anyone that I cried all the time. I never told anyone because I didn’t understand that feeling like this wasn’t normal.
Just getting up in the morning was so, so hard. I felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and didn’t want to get up. I started to feel everyone was talking about me and I just wanted to be on my own.
This carried on for three years and I didn’t tell anyone – I thought I would snap out of it and just put a brave face on.
I knew it was okay to feel sad, just not all the time, for months on end.
More Amazing Events and I still wasn’t Happy
I got my degree and I married the man of my dreams- two very happy things. I got the job I desperately wanted as a researcher in Parliament as soon as I left university. I was living with my husband on Lambeth Walk, a stone’s throw away from my new job- it really was the stuff of dreams.
My husband and I on honeymoon in Bali xx
So I really didn’t understand it when I could no longer pretend I was happy, again I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat and started suffering panic attacks that actually made me feel like I was going to die – I honestly thought I was going to die. This time I just couldn’t hide it.
My husband made me go to see my GP, he offered me Valium and didn’t seem concerned by my symptoms. This unsettled me, did he not see me and what I was going through? After a five minute consultation he just smiled knowingly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, and said you will be fine and off I went. I have always been led my inner voice and I knew this was wrong. I knew there was a reason I was feeling like this and a pill could not fix it, I wanted answers. I knew there must be a process and it wouldn’t go away overnight, yes I wanted to feel better but I still wanted to feel, not be drugged up to the eyeballs and in a zombie like state where I just wouldn’t feel.
Homeopathy was my Hero
This is when Homeopathy entered my life and started working it’s magic. Yes it took several appointments and no my symptoms did not go away overnight but I managed to start to unravel it all with the help of my homeopath and understand what was happening to me and I started to feel better, bit by bit.
I was so deep in depression I didn’t even understand that it was grief I was suffering with, in my head my mum died eight years ago and I was so over it, I had to be right? What I didn’t understand was that I was stuck in survival mode. I had never grieved for my mum or the difficult relationship I had with her. My panic attacks started to ease ( more on these in the next few weeks) and I knew how to deal with them, I stopped crying all the time and feeling sad. I made the changes in my life that I needed to including moving out of central London and started to enjoy the happiness I had.
This wasn’t the end of my healing journey, actually it was the very beginning. Homeopathy literally saved my life. It worked on an emotional and physical level to calm things and make me feel safer.
Writing this has made me feel quite emotional, sad about what I went through, happy that I am through it, and so privileged that I help others through this now.
If you can resonate with any of this, if you are suffering with grief, depression or anxiety please book in for a free call to see how we can work together to get you through this, or you can book through my online calendar here.
Thank you for reading,